It's Not You, It's Me

E had a singing (caterwauling) program last night at her school. I saw several moms I went on the camping trip with. I actually talked to a few. Of course, I approached them. Unlike on the camping trip, last night I was wearing a sleeveless dress. Hence, tattoos showing.

On the camping trip, there was one mom that I really liked. She seemed to keep apart from the other moms and even seemed to give me a "look" a couple of times like "can you believe this?" I probably imagined that last part, but that is how it seemed at the time. She is also one of the moms I talked to last night. She came up to me on her own after my initial 'stalk and pounce' to chat. Which was totally cool of her.

I found that the other moms said hello back to me but that was all. There were no any real feelings or genuineness expressed. I wondered if they recognized me. But if I could recognize them, I'm sure they could recognize me. Right? It's not like the parents don't socialize - there was socializing and chatting going on all around me.

I sometimes wonder if it's me. Occasionally I feel that I should try harder to make friends. It isn't easy for me to make friends. Never has been. I only have a handful of people I consider real friends. I can be a little stand-offish when in a crowd and am not good at the whole small talk thing. On the other hand, do I really need to make friends with these women? Other than for my daughter, why should I? I like the few friends I have - the tattooed, drinking, swearing moms who work for a living. We all feel the same guilt. We all sit in the front yard enjoying a beverage with our feet in a baby pool. We all say "fuck" at inappropriate times. We all try our best to raise our children to the best of our ability. What's more important is that they like me for me - the flawed tattooed white trash I am. Why would I want anything more?