Not understanding

R had a play date on Friday with a girl she has known since preschool. They live just down the street around the corner. The girl's mom picked up R and took her home after school. This is the conversation later Friday night:

R: "Why don't we have a theater in our house like they do?"
Me: "You mean a big TV on the wall?"
R: "No. A big screen in another room where you watch movies and the screen rolls down from the ceiling. How come we don't have one of those?"
Me: "Well, we just don't have the room for one of those of course."

Room for one! I crack myself up. How about this: honey, we are poor. We will never have a screen that rolls down from the ceiling unless you get popped for a federal crime and can go to a nice white-collar prison where they show movies and not just county lock-up.

R is in kindergarten. Parents are asked to volunteer once a week, which seeing as how I work, I can't do. I told her teacher I would volunteer once a month. So yesterday was my day.

There are 4 kids at R's table, and I was in charge of her table. They were all working on their projects and R asked me if I was going to be there every Wednesday. Oh, here we go, I think to myself - the mom guilt. "No, I can only be here sometimes," I tell my sweet girl with sadness in my voice. She nods and says "Ok."

Wait a tic. Was that relief I heard in her voice? Certainly not. She definitely wants me there, right?!

Her teacher walks by at this point and says R's table gets a point because they were all coloring and on task. Of course, I give a whoop whoop and raise the roof!! I mean, a point is a point right? R points her finger at me and shakes her head no. I got reprimanded by my own kid, who is 5! Are you kidding me?

The table finishes their project and R tells me it's ok for me to leave. She wants me to go! I tell her I'm the coolest mom she knows but she's not buying it.

She really doesn't want me there. I can't figure it out. Maybe it's because I'm dressed for work and actually have makeup on. Not like the other moms there who were in jogging suits with no makeup on. I reserve that look for the weekends.

Just wait until that child is older, and I really embarrass her. I can't wait.

Found

A volcano erupts when the pressure builds too high. A cat will rip you a nice slash when it’s pissed enough. A strong woman will tell you to fuck off when she finds her self-respect again. She will remember who she is and everything that her life has stood for. She will know that no man who loves her would call her names in the first place. A strong woman’s friends will not let her feel alone. They will not let her feel shame. They prop her up when she starts to waiver. They loan her some of their confidence and strength to make it through.

Most importantly, a strong woman will never let her female children see a man repeatedly disrespect her. That woman teaches her female children that self-respect and confidence can sometimes wane, but will never leave you. No matter how white trash you are.

My New Life's Song

This about sums it up - although in regards to the "bitch slapping" lyric, this bitch will cut you if you slap her. Just so you know.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYFNCenCZXI

When you live in a glass house...

One of E's friends from down the street is moving away. They bought a house - not in our overly priced school district of course. I'm sad for E because this friend was the one I actually liked. There is another girl living down the street - we'll call her "L" - who seems to tell E lots of things other people say. For instance, L told E that she "heard" a boy liked her. She also told E that some other girls called E "fat." Seeing a theme here?  Like E, L is 8.

L had to learn that shit somewhere. I met L's (newly divorced) mom and she seemed pretty nice. I saw her a couple more times at the daycare - I waved and she acted like she didn't see me and didn't speak to me either time. I can think of at least three times I invited L to play with E - at E's request. L hasn't been available - one time she was with her dad, another time I got a response many hours later by the time it was obviously too late. One time I invited the mom to have a beer while the girls played. Nothing. Did I offend her by offering her a beer and not a glass of Chardonnay? Who the hell knows.

So where does all this come from? Is it a product of living in this neighborhood? Just for the record, L and her mom are living where we live - and renting. She has nothing on me. So why the snooty attitude? And even more important, what do I tell E? How can I teach her that what other people say is all so much bullshit? Especially when she thinks L is such a great friend. How will E react when I tell her we are not going to ask L to play anymore until L requests it?  I don't want E to be the one always asking to play.

Just because we may be "that" family doesn't mean I don't have SOME mother fucking pride. Believe it. Also believe my first reaction upon E's crying that someone called her fat was to tell her to punch that little bitch in the mouth. You can take the girl out of the white trash town..........

It's the End of The World...Again

So the end of the world is scheduled for tomorrow according to some "religious" people. Maybe it's a good thing we live in the rich neighborhood then. We can totally squat in the mansion next door! If it's still occupied, at least we won't have too far to carry stuff when we loot from other richie rich's mansions! Hell yeah! Imma gonna get the good lawn furniture - not the metal chairs we have now - maybe something like this:

I'd look good drinking a Pearl Lite on this!

It's Not You, It's Me

E had a singing (caterwauling) program last night at her school. I saw several moms I went on the camping trip with. I actually talked to a few. Of course, I approached them. Unlike on the camping trip, last night I was wearing a sleeveless dress. Hence, tattoos showing.

On the camping trip, there was one mom that I really liked. She seemed to keep apart from the other moms and even seemed to give me a "look" a couple of times like "can you believe this?" I probably imagined that last part, but that is how it seemed at the time. She is also one of the moms I talked to last night. She came up to me on her own after my initial 'stalk and pounce' to chat. Which was totally cool of her.

I found that the other moms said hello back to me but that was all. There were no any real feelings or genuineness expressed. I wondered if they recognized me. But if I could recognize them, I'm sure they could recognize me. Right? It's not like the parents don't socialize - there was socializing and chatting going on all around me.

I sometimes wonder if it's me. Occasionally I feel that I should try harder to make friends. It isn't easy for me to make friends. Never has been. I only have a handful of people I consider real friends. I can be a little stand-offish when in a crowd and am not good at the whole small talk thing. On the other hand, do I really need to make friends with these women? Other than for my daughter, why should I? I like the few friends I have - the tattooed, drinking, swearing moms who work for a living. We all feel the same guilt. We all sit in the front yard enjoying a beverage with our feet in a baby pool. We all say "fuck" at inappropriate times. We all try our best to raise our children to the best of our ability. What's more important is that they like me for me - the flawed tattooed white trash I am. Why would I want anything more?